Smile from Crystal

As you are reading me, I can assume that either you have landed on my territory for mere curiosity or to dig something about me; or maybe you have just arrived here for a wrong button click. 

 

Whatever the reasons are, now you are in the region of an introvert world.

Welcome to the land of Crystal! 

... ...  ...  A land of mere nothing from something to analyze the source which is proved to be nothing  ... ...

A crazy fucking mad world where the introvert recharges, dances, talks, sings, listens, analyzes, dreams, discusses, disagrees, worries, cries, laughs, shouts, debates, thinks, ... ... ...

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Are you there?

:)

Do you understand the consequences of choosing red pills instead of blue pills?
Do you ever get the feel of melting and consuming yourself with emptiness and almost everything? 

 

 

 

You are the eyes, you are the screen, you are the words, you are the sentences, you are the chair you are sitting on, you are the identity you are wearing, you are the touches you had in your life, you are the touches you didn't have yet, you are the last person you spoke, you are every person when you sleep, you are your mother, you are your father, you are your siblings, you are your known unknown mask, you are the unknown known identity, you are the thoughts you think while reading this nonsense, you are the thoughts you hid from yourself, you are the smile you are having, you are the anger you can't control, you are the melancholia, you are the ecstasy, ... ... ... 
you are everything until you lost yourself in everything, you are nothing because everything loses into you.

 

 

 

 

You think I'm mad. No?

 

...

 

Well,  I'm but what's wrong to be mad?

Not all of us have to make sense believing in blue pills. Right? :)

Blue pills are delusions, which the existentialist consumes every day to buy time to continue the same cycles their ancestors did.

 

 

 

 

Hi,

Are you bored?

 

Am I too irritating?

:(

 

Sorry, please ...

 

 

 

Are you planning to leave?

 

... 

 

 

Let's talk about some popcorn things to escape boredom.

 

I'm Crystal a complete fool always trying to understand and feel everything.  I love reading books and I prefer corners in public places. I can absorb anything and my reading taste varies from the research paper to graphic novel according to various spectrum and patterns of my synapses.  But, usually, I prefer neuroscience, astrophysics,  evolution, history, and classics over other categories. I am fond of spending my time reading articles and nonfiction because I'm super lazy and I feel sentimental when I lose my spot :(. Another reason behind reading is,  it is the cheapest medium to explore the universe in a cosmic scale :D 

I  love animals. I love to experience little transient meaningless meaning through adopting, feeding, playing, caressing and talking to them. They are the most beautiful things in my eyes because they are so original. :)

 

I crave to be alone. I enjoy every single moment when I'm alone. Sometimes I enjoy discussing and arguing issues with someone in my territory. But, sometimes I'm in oblivion.  I am unsocial and sometimes anti-social. I hate talking to people on phones and public interactions. Because I act like a zombie in those moments and places ( But, I'm not a  zombie, Am I ? :( ... maybe sometimes ...  )

 

Yoga and coffee are the two solid things that keep me still going. I love ballet, painting, Pure cinema and classical music. I am fond of instrumental music too. I hate to be phony and professional and I have decided not to be a part of the corporate world. I admire minimalism. I am in love with melancholy. I have been married to her since my baby consciousness was born. I love details, I love the depth and connection. I hate norms. I'm the creator of my own norms, I'm the creator of my own culture and I hate being pretentious. I understand the price of the things (I don't follow) but I have no value for those things.  

 

I love playing guitar strings while creating my own weird composition. But, I couldn't even play chords properly because of my long fingernails. The dark part is I also love to pet long fingernails. So, the mother part of me likes to provide an excuse for my nails when the child part of me craves to play chord properly. Sometimes, they quarrel with each other too much and I couldn't tolerate, so I leave them both instead. :) :( ... ... ... 

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I'm a bit autistic in behavior and in the context of slowness I could even defeat a cute sloth. Don't you understand? I'm a super slow learner.  :)
In an average scale of learning something, I would take 10 days where people tagged with so-called normality would take just 10 minutes to 2 hours to reach the same conclusion.  

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I am a stupid player but the only game that can increase my dopamine flow is chess. :D  I feel so old and numb to travel time through history books. Numb part of me feels like an apathetic God who is watching the same recurring cycle again and again but couldn't do anything to break the chained events of the cycle. Sometimes I like to solve Brain Teasers and Sudoku to forget my misery of having consciousness. 

 

My weakness is I'm extremely self-depreciating but my strength is I can camouflage myself with the former practice :D  ... Looped ...

Fuck ... I'm so twisted. :( 

 

If you would be my travel partner then I would prefer traveling through your head than traveling places without mutual connection :)

 

In my childhood, my dream was to be a catcher in the Rhye. Do you know Holden Caulfield? ... No? 

Then, probably you won't understand :(

But, now grey-haired myself couldn't even dream.  :v :v 

Maybe the sweet dreams and good resolutions are just delusion and false hope originating from pure vanity to buy some time to experience certain luxurious sterile emotions emerging from the rush of dopamines and serotonin flow in the brain :)

 

I have no single regret in my life. I feel so calm and relaxed to think about the memory  I'm going to erase at the last moment of my consciousness. ... Peace ... ... ... 

 

"I wish I could reincarnate into the stupid eyes of a super stupid cat." :v This is the sweet lie,  sometimes I wish I could believe to fall asleep. 

 

My brain is always burning out because of twisted knots of thousands and thousands of thoughts but the only thing the outside world sees is my foolish smile. :) 

This site is my personal journal to bring out 1/100000 of my thoughts. So, I would appreciate any type of constructive criticism about my madness.

 

 

Thank you for being patient with me through the short journey  :) 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Website: Farha Crystal